Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
