girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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