Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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