to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
this hospital has no fireball
Naked. naked and bneed help.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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