Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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