They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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