Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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