oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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