Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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