she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
