this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
