I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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