Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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