It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
