you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
