You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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