Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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