its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
