The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
