I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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