we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
