You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
