Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
