I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
