I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
