The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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