hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Even my vagina gasped.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
