I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
