Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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