beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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