its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
