Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
