i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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