I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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