Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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