so that wasnt chicken after all
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
