Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
