i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Betty ford says i'm here all night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize