you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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