I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
