Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
