So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
