Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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