i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
