Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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