I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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