Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
