You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Where is the hickey?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
