I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I skipped work to stalk him.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
