His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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