so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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