even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
