Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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