Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
pray to the hookup gods
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
