Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
