Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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