is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
