my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
