sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
