You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
