Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
