i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
