Please don't use social media to get back at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
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