Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
