One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
