I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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