my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
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