I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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