I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
